What I Would Have Liked to Have Known Before Becoming a Mumma

I have found in recent years that the gift of hindsight has become a more powerful blessing and tool than I ever could have imagined. This gift of looking back with the eyes of present moment awareness has literally been shifting and shaping my life along the most beautiful lines. 

With the gift of hindsight in mind, I would like to give a few pointers to my pre-motherhood self. And, who am I kidding, they are all pretty darn applicable to my present day self too!

motherhood in real life

A List of Love to My Pre-Motherhood Self

1. You will create two human beings. You will keep them alive and thriving every day. I mean, really, what more can be said than that? Great work. Incredible work.

2. You are going to discover a kind of love that you cannot even fathom. It is as big and as wide and as deep and as limitless as your heart. It is all consuming. And it will consume you, so you need to be strong in your boundaries and this is ok. Look at it this way, if you are consumed by them, how can you be a good parent to them? Even though you will want to give every ounce of yourself to these two beautiful humans that you created, please, please still make time for yourself. Please create space to love yourself.

3. You are going to become a mumma in an age where information, opinions and, sadly, judgements are immediately available with the simple click of a button. Mostly I recommend just staying away from the internet. Sure, it can be a beneficial source for information, but it is a slippery slope. What I suggest instead is that you get super strong in yourself and trust your own mumma instincts. Trust that, by the sheer amount of love you feel for these two little people, you will always be doing what is best for them. And for you as their mumma.

4. The ages of one to two, with both boys, will be like living with tiny alcoholics. They will be prone to violent outbreaks, they will dump all of their emotional shit directly on to you, they will be manic in their moods, loving you so deeply one moment and lashing out the next, but you will get through it. And so will they. 

And once you are through it? You will laugh so hard at the madness that went down!

5. There are mummas that claim that their kiddos are their best friends and that being a stay at home mom is the dreamiest. You are not going to be one of these moms, and that is ok. Yes, you will be a full time stay at home mom. And yes, you will be really good at it. But it is not your passion and, again, that is ok. This kind of goes back to point number one, but remember to pursue what you love outside of your children as well. You will be a more content person because of it and that will reflect in your parenting.

6. Being a stay at home mom is going to be the hardest you have ever had to work. It is full on, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week kind of work. Physically, mentally, emotionally. It goes without saying that it is totally worth it, but it is still so. much. work. 

7. Two months after the birth of your second son, you are going to be struck down by post partum depression. It will be the darkest, most difficult six months of your life; every day will be a struggle not to take your own life. Yep, it will be that bad. But you get through it. And, going back to that beautiful gift of hindsight, there will come a day when you realize that it was actually one of the greatest gifts. That even though post partum depression was huge and ugly and so dark, it was the thing that tore down all of your walls. It was the thing that left you naked, raw and shivering so that you were able to start again. It was your rebirth and you will not waste this second chance.

8. For a year and a half after you finally heal from post partum depression, you will beat yourself up with the guilt and shame of "allowing" it to have happened. Don't do this. You didn't choose to have post partum depression {or maybe at a soul level you did} and you definitely didn't ruin your kids by having it. 

9. Your kids are going to be two of the greatest teachers you have. They will be like living with two little mirrors that are constantly reflecting your self back at you. And this is an opportunity for incredible growth. It is also an opportunity to become incredibly annoyed. Try to always choose growth!

10. You are going to raise two beautiful, kind, resilient, little souls. Enjoy this. Bask in it. Take the time to really appreciate them and the work that you put in to them.

11. Motherhood is a journey that will expand you, that will grow you into the truest, most authentic version of yourself. As with all growth there will be moments that will be absolute bliss and there will be moments that ache and require every ounce of bravery you can summon; embrace them all. This is a journey. This is your journey. And I am so proud of you.

12. Practice gratitude, every chance you get, for these two humans that show up in your life and for the courage they show as the help to raise you to the person you are meant to be.

There you go sweethearts...my top twelve love notes to my pre-motherhood self. 

I hope some of you can relate. 

I hope it gives some of you that piece of love and forgiveness that maybe you were missing. 

And, mostly, I hope it inspires you all to know that you are not alone; that there are more mummas out there than you can possibly know who are simply fumbling their way as gracefully as possible through this thing called motherhood.